Sometimes I wonder if I will ever be satisfied. I am constantly pursuing new opportunities, but then I reach a point where I need more. It is always only temporary and after some time I am faced with a crisis when looking for new opportunities and challenges. This is probably natural for everyone. It is even more intense for me, which makes it hard to ignore. And believe me, sometimes it’s really quite hard to live such a life, but that momentum is just more powerful than me. Life is a continuous cycle, sometimes it is so tough, we have no time to go to the supermarket or to do a loundrary. In spite of all the events we should not forget what really makes us happy in life and do what fills us.
What drives me forward is my inner motivation. When I feel stagnant a light immediately flashes. Often my friends and family say that I have a lot of energy and they ask, where do I get it from, or if I take something , that they too would like. Or when my students in class ask: “Miss, what do you take before class again? “J So I realized that there has to be something about it. The thing is, when I have to lead and motivate others, I need to be sufficiently motivated first, perhaps even a bit crazy. I love my job and without enthusiasm it is simply not possible. Enthusiasm is contagious, at least I hope that I have already infected a few people. Although I also have moments and states when all is not rosy. Making a living from dance art and teaching is really difficult. This is a not very stabile life. You always fly somewhere, which is time consuming and tedious. I have to be constantly creative and that’s what my job is about. But for that I need, like any artist, suitable conditions that actually do not exist. I always create new choreographies, a number of different classes, evening performances, or even rehearsing the new performance. it’s amazing, but a bit chaotic, because I cannot be focused everywhere one hundred percent, so I feel bad then. When I fly from the theater to school, you must switch your mind very quickly, just click and you must transform from dancer to teacher and back. Then I fly to the next city, then to another place, sometimes I am so confused that I do not even know where I am . Of course, there are also less stressful moments. I often ask whether this will be forever. I give a lot of myself, but it means that I need to also absorb something new to continue to be productive, full of ideas and energy. Simply I feel that I still need to work on myself, so I can move forward as a dancer, teacher and creator.
And this is the result. I’m going to Portugal. In December, I auditioned for a half-year course of dance compositions and interpretations in Porto. I did not take it very seriously, but I went on a trip to try it out, whether I’d like it and so on. And it worked out. Suddenly I was faced with the question now what? Am I going? Or will I stay at home? And a million more question marks in my head. After all, I have many things to do at home, it’s a safe comfort zone and I love my job, my students, theater..but .. if I will not go and do not use this opportunity, I will certainly regret it. It took me a couple of days until I considered all the pros and cons and I just, despite all of my work duties and of course some concerns, decided to go for it. It is a risk, but I believe it will be worth it. Many people are brave when it comes to words, but when it comes to real action they have many excuses. And I want to belong with those who are not afraid of change. Even if I am afraid of course. But it will not limit me!
And what actually will I do in Porto? In addition to interpretation, I will be devoted to dance composition, which means creating complex dance performance, learning to consciously work with the use of the components of performance such as music, light, scene, space, video, sound, a different approach to creating movement and to the creative process at all, dramaturgy of performance..etc. It is a physical theater where the dancer becomes the stage performer – artist, who can work with improvisation, spoken word, voice and acting while perfectly moving of course. It is a different experience and challenge for me. Before I studied pedagogy of modern and contemporary dance, I do not have a lot of experience with creating this kind of performance. And that’s what attracts me as a creator and performer, I need to push my limits.
From the theater scene, where I work as a dancer, I’m used to a different type of performance, presentation and expression. I love theater, show, costumes, lights, various characters of dancing and especially the energy that I feel when I stand on stage. But I feel that I need a change. I would like the movement and the way I move to be dominant on stage and the means of expression through which I communicate with the audience. Until now I’ve always been mostly in a situation that was very natural to me or I did not have to fight with a role I had. That is why I look forward to a position that will not be very pleasant and natural and I will need to deal with it, either as a choreographer or performer.
I look forward to the new environment and the new people I will meet. I will actively communicate in a foreign language, English, which I need to improve. And in particular, I will be focused on my artistic growth. Almost every week, we will work with a new famous lecturer, who will lead us. The course consists of hours of creative process, choreographic composition, contemporary dance and improvisation, coaching, cultural production, creative voice, video, flying low, release technique..and more.
I will try every week or two to write a new article about how I’m doing, about the life in porto, about my impressions, experience both positive and less postivie also… I will try to add videos and photos mainly on my Instagram and share my story with you, my friends, students and all supporters. Thank you to Conservatory Bratislava and Banska Bystrica, where I teach for their open attitude and also to my colleagues and friends in theater for helping me. I will miss you! The most I thank again my beloved family and the closest for their support and understanding!! I am happy and greatful! Move-you! 🙂